The Other Day

You’re never going to guess what happened to me the other day.

Stop guessing. You remember Julie from my office?

It doesn’t matter, that’s not important. Well, anyway, Julie’s husband left her a couple of months ago and on Tuesday she got the divorce papers come through. So, she comes into work holding this massive envelope and crying her eyes out. She’s distraught, she can barely string a sentence together. Eventually we find out what the problem is and a group of us got together and invited her out for the night to take her mind off it all. She didn’t really want to go but we convinced her. So, we all took her to the Purple Bear.

Yeah, that Purple Bear. We thought it’d be fun for her. We didn’t tell her where we were going. She was a bit apprehensive when we got there but she went in. We got some drinks and she started to cheer up a bit.

The dancers were a bit lacklustre but they were still enjoyable. Julie seemed to enjoy it, though. We were all having a great time. But, anyway, as the night went on she seemed to gravitate towards me a bit and we started hitting it off. There was definitely some flirting going on.

Of course I reciprocated. If she wasn’t up for going all the way I thought I’d at least be able to get a blowie out of this. We keep drinking, everyone’s already plastered by this point but we carry on. Alex, I don’t think you’ve met him, got up and started dancing with the dancers. Security kicked us out pretty quickly after that. Nobody wanted to call it a night so we all started throwing out suggestions on what to do next. Julie came up with one that seemed really fun.

I can’t tell you what she suggested, it’ll ruin the surprise later. Stop interrupting me—we’re getting to the good part now. Julie won’t leave my side at this point, she’s either hanging onto me or holding my hand or just straight up wrapping her arms around me and dragging me along the path. After about ten or so minutes we make it to this massive house. There’s a Porsche in the driveway, like a swanky new Porsche as well, not an old one people buy to look cool. We all go in the house and Julie’s telling us to be quiet.

I didn’t think anyone was there, she didn’t say anybody would be. She starts dragging me upstairs and telling everyone to follow. I had no idea what was about to happen but I wasn’t going to complain if this turned into an orgy, as long as I was part of it. Anyway, we get upstairs and she opens the bedroom door. I can sort of make out a shape on the bed but it’s dark and I’m really drunk at this point so I don’t pay any attention to it.

Yep, it was. He was not expecting us and really wasn’t happy to see seven people and his ex-wife in his bedroom. He gets out of bed, starts screaming at us to get out. Julie wasn’t having any of it, she grabbed the bedside lamp and before we knew what was happening—

Thanks for spoiling it. You couldn’t even let me finish my story, could you? Arsehole. So, yeah, we killed a guy and buried the body the other day.

No, we didn’t sleep together but we’re going on a date tonight. She says she has something fun for us to do after dinner so we’ll see how it goes.