My name is Zoe and I am six and a half years old and today I robbed the bank.
When Mummy said we were going to the shops today I got so excited. I love going to the shops with Mummy especially when she buys me sweets. She said she would buy me Golden Nuggets for breakfast because I’ve been a good girl and I hate Weetabix. It looks like the food donkeys eat but Mummy says it keeps her small.
I like to play with unicorns. They are pretty and Mummy says I am going to visit one at Disneyland next week. She said we have to go to the shops to buy some things but I am not allowed to buy too much because I don’t have very much pocket money.
When we got to the supermarket Mummy parked a million miles away from the entrance and I got upset because I hate walking. Last night we watched a film with guns but Mummy stopped it because there were two people kissing. I want to be a spy one day like that man with the orange gun.
I told Mummy there were parking spaces everywhere but she said she didn’t see them. She said we need to get fit and healthy before we see the unicorns. In the store Mummy told me to wait by the trolleys next to the fat security man because she needed to go for a wee. I waited but thought she might like some chocolate because she told me it was that time of the month when she got sad. I love chocolate but I prefer sweets. I like jelly babies. Actually I like jelly beans. When I was looking at all the different colours, Mummy came running down the road and was angry and it made me cry. She took the jelly beans out of my hand and threw them back. I told Mummy that one day I am going to buy her every single jelly bean in the world. Like a rainbow of jelly beans. She said it was impossible.
Daddy comes home tomorrow and I cannot wait. I have been counting the sleeps from 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 and there is just one more sleep to go. Daddy says I can be a spy and one day I will be. He said that there are good spies and bad spies and when I’m big enough I need to decide which one I want to be. I think I want to be a spy for the unicorns. I like spying on people. My Granddad bought me this amazing thing that you put over your eyes and you can see far away people bigger. I used them every day until Daddy took them away from me after people complained. I like watching people.
When we got to the tills Mummy spent all Daddy’s money using his card as she said she didn’t have enough change. There was a big fat man in front of us who was really rude and really fat. He was buying lots and lots and lots and lots of dog food, a big box of toilet roll, some sweets, oil that you put in the pan and the new Toy Story film! It looks so good but Mummy says we can’t buy it yet until we come back from holiday. She said the unicorns will be better so I will wait for them. The man was almost as fat as Daddy’s friend Brian, who is really fat. He has a beard and it’s white. I think he might be Santa but I’m not allowed to tell anyone.
We had to go back home before we went to the other shops because of the frozen things. Mummy told me that they melt if you leave them in the car. We don’t live far from the shops.
When we got home, Mummy said that she needed some time alone. She asked me to go play in the garden. She was very sad and I knew she was sad but Daddy wasn’t home to make her happy so I went to play in the garden. I thought that might make her happy. When I played in the garden I pretended to be Sylvia Stallone. He’s really cool and I think he’s from another country. Daddy says Sylvia is his favourite acting man and I think he is the best too. I want to be a spy like him.
In the garden we have a big tree. It is ginormous but I’m really good at climbing it. One day I want Daddy to build me a treehouse so I can camp outside. When I was climbing I heard a strange noise over the fence. It was cat lady. I looked through the hole in the fence and saw the lady next door sitting on the grass with her cat. She has lots of cats and that’s why I call her cat lady. One is white and one is multi-colours. The white one is very skinny and the other one is fat. Mummy was crying inside the house. I could hear her. Maybe she was sad because I didn’t get the chocolate she wanted or because Daddy wasn’t here. I think I’ll stay outside until the end of the storms.
When I’d finished watching the cats I helped Barbie and Teddy get married in the sunshine. Mummy came out to tell me she was going to buy me a dress. I said I didn’t need one but she said I did. Barbie is very pretty and she always wanted a garden wedding. She has a really, really pretty dress. It’s pink. Teddy doesn’t really care about a wedding. He just wants his no roof car. Barbie wasn’t really happy with Teddy but he had a lot of pennies and she needed some new clothes. Teddy did have a big bow on his neck though. He was cuddly and he may not be as pretty as Ken but I think he’s got a good heart. All bears have good hearts.
The cat lady next door is still playing with her cats in her garden. The cats are prisoners and are not allowed out during the day when cat lady is at work. When she comes back from work in her blue car she goes into her house for five minutes and then lets them out to play in the garden. She sits and watches them and drinks a cup of tea. When she gets bored she takes them back inside. I wish the cats were allowed in the garden when she wasn’t there as I would love to play with them. Mummy says we can’t have cats or dogs. I’m not sure why but she said she is an allergy.
My teacher at school told me that hundreds of cats live in Disneyland. She said that when the Princess built her castle she saw a hundred cats sleeping in her basement. Mr Disney said he would look after them instead of throwing them away. Micky and Minnie are happy as the cats eat the horrible rats during the night. Mummy said rats are bad because they have germs. I prefer cats to rats so I don’t mind.
I think the cats next door would love Disneyland. Maybe I’ll help them escape one day.
Mummy came out to tell me that I needed to have some lunch before we went out again. I hate soggy tuna and cucumber sandwiches. They taste gross but I was really hungry so I ate them. Also Mummy gave me an ice cream afterwards for being good.
Mummy sprayed perfume all over herself and then we left. On our way to the shops we stopped and Mummy said she didn’t know if she’d locked the front door. We didn’t have time to go back and we didn’t have enough fools for the car so Mummy said we would take the risk. Daddy said once you have to be a risk taker and I told Mummy. I think Mummy was just being lazy.
All the shops looked so big and busy. I didn’t really want to find a dress but Mummy said to keep one eye open. I kept both eyes open at all times. There are 52 paving stones outside the dress shop, two bins on either side, one security man watching from inside and lots of dresses in the window with sparkles on them. We went inside and it smelled bad. Really bad. It was dusty and it all went up my nose. An old woman with lots of make-up on her face came over and started talking to Mummy. The security man was wearing a big black jacket and looked really grumpy. He was sitting behind a desk and it had lots of screens with videos on them. The video was of people and it looked just like the inside of the shop. It was amazing.
When Mummy finished talking to the smelly lady she gave me four dresses and took me to try them on. They were all okay but nothing pretty like Barbie’s dress. Mummy asked me which one I liked more and she took that one to the lady to buy. It was the pink one like Barbie but it doesn’t have wings. I have wings at home so I can put them on and then I will be as beautiful as Barbie. Mummy gave the lady the money and she took it and gave her a white ticket back and a big pink bag. Mummy gave me the bag to hold.
We followed a really old man for ages because he was walking too slowly and had a big stick to help him walk. We then went to a shop that sold make-up and hair stuff. It smelled nice. Much better than the dress shop. Mummy picked up some cream to make her look better and then told me to wait near the vitamins while she spent her money. Maybe when cat lady is out I could climb the tree in my garden and jump over the fence. I hope she leaves a window open but Daddy tells Mummy to close them when she goes out so maybe the cat lady locks hers too. If I can get the cats out I could take them to Disney or maybe they could sleep under my bed. Mummy is paying the spotty boy. He has so many spots he looks like when I had chicken pocks. That week I was a prisoner and I wasn’t allowed to go to school. I like school.
Under my bed I have a secret place to hide. It’s really cool and I can keep the kitties in there.
Mummy grabbed my hand and asked what I wanted to do next. I told her I wanted an ice cream but she said I couldn’t have another one today. We went to another clothes shop. It was really big and there were lots of people with lots of bags. Mummy said she wanted to buy something special for daddy. There were millions of women around us with a few men that looked a bit scary. They were all grumpy and one of them had no hair. Mummy picked up something that was black and lace and looked expensive. I saw a lady with big yellow hair. It was curly and looked really, really big. She had a really nice top on but ugly shoes. They were brown and dirty. I don’t know why she looked so good when she had horrible feet.
There were so many hangers and clothes all over the floor. I walked through them like I was walking through a river of clothes and pretended I was swimming. The lady with the blonde hair looked down at me and smiled. She had a pretty smile. I walked in front to see what she was looking at. She had a big blue hat in one hand and a yellow hat in the other. She kept moving her hands up and down and then put the blue one down and walked off. I looked behind me to let Mummy know about the blonde lady but Mummy wasn’t looking.
I saw the man with no hair again. He looked like he was lost. I decided to follow him and be a spy. He was walking around looking at the ladies in the shop. He had a telephone in his hand with a big aerial. I had to hide behind some clothes so he wouldn’t see me. He was looking at a woman with brown hair that looked a bit like Mummy. Where was Mummy? I looked around to find her but she wasn’t there. Why wasn’t she following me? I ran back the other way but couldn’t see her. I was really sad and started crying. I ran to the sleep clothes section but she wasn’t there. It was too busy and everyone was too big. Some horrible man pushed past me because he was in a hurry. I turned round and saw the big machine that goes up and down. When I look out of my bedroom window I can see everything so I thought I would go upstairs to look for Mummy.
I stood outside the grey box waiting for it to come down. Mummy wouldn’t let me press the button all the time because she said that some people don’t wash their hands and then press the button and then if I press the button the germs go onto me. I pressed the button. I could see the glass box coming down from the sky and I got inside. The doors closed. I counted and when I got to ten it still hadn’t moved. Where’s Mummy? My face felt like it was getting hotter and hotter. I looked to my side and saw a big button with an arrow pointing up. I pressed the button and the box started to move. I could see the whole shop but not Mummy. This is why Daddy needs to make me a treehouse.
When the doors opened I rushed out and there was a woman standing looking at me. She looked happy and said something but I wasn’t listening. My mission was to find Mummy. I’m not allowed to talk to strangers. Mummy always told me that it was naughty to talk to people I didn’t know as they might be bad. I looked up. She looked at me and asked me if I was lost. I asked her if she was a baddie. I said I would like to speak to the owner of the building. She asked me if I’d lost my mummy. I stopped for a second and could feel crying on my cheeks. I was so scared.
I told her my name was Zoe. It still is. She pointed in the direction of the pay tills and asked me to follow her. I followed. The lady used a machine and she said my name really loudly so the whole shop could hear. I felt like a movie star. She asked me to wait. Then Mummy turned up and she was crying. Maybe she was sad again. She picked me up and gave me a big kiss. She then held my hand and said something to the lady behind the pay machine.
Outside we sat down on a bench and Mummy said that I shouldn’t walk away from her because I’d get lost. I said to Mummy I wasn’t lost, I just couldn’t find her. Mummy said that was okay and next time I need to stay with her. I love Mummy.
Mummy said we needed to go to the bank to get some special money for Disney. When we went inside there were lots of machines flashing and a row of people waiting to get some special money. I looked around and counted three cameras in the shop. There was a big camera pointing at me with a television next to it. On the screen were people who looked like me and Mummy. It reminded me of the screens with the fat security man so I waved and the person waved back. Mummy told me it was me but they were backwards, not like a mirror.
Mummy took me over to some chairs and told me to wait and not walk off. She went and stood behind the other people who were waiting to talk to the people behind the windows. The chairs were blue and were very nice. I looked up at the screen and the people that looked like me and Mummy weren’t on it any more.
Last time Daddy was home we watched a film with a man called Robin Pa Chino where he robbed the bank. He was a spy like me and he went in and took all the money. Mummy said Daddy shouldn’t let me watch films like that but I liked it. I don’t think you should steal money though. People need money to buy dresses and things.
All the people were just waiting except the people at the front talking to the window people. No one was looking at me. Beside me there were some shelves with lots of bits of paper with pretty colours and pictures. There were four pens on a table next to my chair. They were very shiny but they were held down by chains.
I like pens. I use them at school.
I looked around again to see if there was anyone watching me. No one. I slowly picked up one of the papers and pulled it behind my back where I had my bag. The paper went in. I looked up and waited for the cameras to move but they didn’t. Mummy was talking to the woman at the window. I had to get a pen. I got off the chair and stood on my tiptoes to look to see how I could get it. The pens were chained up to the wall and the chain went into the back of the pen. All except one. The pen at the end had tape around it holding the chain on. I looked over to Mummy but she was still talking to the window lady. I rubbed the tape with my fingers until I found the end. I had it! I slowly picked the sticky tape and peeled it away. I turned around and checked the cameras hadn’t moved. I picked off more clear stuff until I was done. I felt like Sylvia but I didn’t have a big gun. I took the pen over to my bag and put it inside with the paper and my dress. I put it inside the dress so no one could see it. I was going to sit back down but Mummy had finished talking to the window person and came over. She said she had taken all the bank’s money and now we had to go. Then we escaped.
It took ages to walk back to the car and I thought the police would come and take me to prison but they didn’t. I was worried what Mummy might think so I kept quiet. When we got home I hid the pen in my room with the paper. Tomorrow we are going to Disney and I am going to give the pen to Daddy. I am not going to give it to him until we are on the plane as I don’t want to go to prison like Sylvia did.
I hope Daddy likes the pen. He can use it every day. I am so excited for Disney tomorrow. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep. I think I have just enough time to plan the catnap. I just hope they’ll fit in my bag.
© 2014 Amy Taylor
Amy Taylor is a Kent based photographer.