This Little Piggy

This little piggy’s got an ASBO.
This little piggy’s got A.D.H.D.
This little piggy’s on benefits.
This little piggy’s buying potpourri.

This little piggy’s in the dole queue.
This little piggy’s blind drunk.
This little piggy’s on Jeremy Kyle.
This little piggy’s on skunk.

This little piggy’s with the NHS.
This little piggy’s with Bupa.
This little piggy’s on Prozac.
This little piggy’s in a stupor.

This little piggy’s been expelled from school.
This little piggy’s in jail.
This little piggy’s an alcoholic.
This little piggy’s got braille.

But this little piggy’s sussed
that if equal cutlets have we,
then some collops may possess
much more gristle than me.

So this little piggy
trots away from the abattoir,
dissatisfied with being
braised as pork chop.
This little piggy snorts
at a knacker’s yard
and will squeal outside
the butcher’s shop.

Blessed be little piggy’s oink.
Let snouts feel the pinch.
Hallelujah to little piggy’s
everlasting noise,
at least its voice is louder
than mince.
Amen.