A Thong is So Wrong

Never again, these things are just wrong,
What the hell am I doing wearing a thong?
Ouch, I’ve fallen prey, another victim of this painful trend,
That renders me speechless whenever I bend.
Do other women take lessons, is there a special knack,
From avoiding the buggers from riding right up your crack?

I’ll kill him I will, make him wear them to work,
Why buy these? I was desperate for chocolates, the berk.
‘Hey sweetheart,’ he shouts, ‘Come and see what I’ve bought ya!’
Bloody fantastic, I think, a sexy instrument of torture!
He was so excited with his clever little buy,
I was just scared and I wanted to cry.

He said, ‘Put ’em on, it’ll be a right giggle.’
You are having a laugh, all I’ve done today is wriggle.
I just cannot see why this fashion is ‘edgy’
What is so good about a permanent wedgie?

No, from now on I’m going to go comfy and safe,
I don’t want to be fighting with panties that chafe.
So what if my pants are king-size and wide?
Who cares? Me and my bits, we will wear them with pride.